In the morning

Sometimes, it’s the simple beauty that shatters the soul.

I’ve found myself more and more restless lately, in large part because I have hit a wall of realization. Realization of the fact that I need to focus on MY story and not dance around my creative pursuits.

Now and then I catch myself falling into the easy trap of spending a disproportionate amount of time talking and thinking ABOUT creativity and the larger concepts. In reality, I need balance.

The idea of being one of those people that TEACHES but never actually PRACTICES any of what they preach makes me feel sick.

Yet, it’s so much easier to focus on thinking ABOUT creativity rather than take the risk and put myself and my actual creative work out there. Especially because it comes with so much baggage. The pressure that if I’m doing this, it must have some sort of purpose. What is the endgame? What are my goals? What is my purpose with this project?

I think we’ve all been there. It seems that today, as an artist or creative, we have to be “working that side hustle” pushing towards some lofty goals. Goals we’ve arbitrarily forced on ourselves because we compare ourselves to the random people on the internet. People that seem to do nothing but shout and pollute our minds with thoughts of “rising to the top” and “building that influencer brand” for ourselves.

The problem is that it’s too easy to get wrapped up in thought, plotting and planning how to reach those goals, that we forget to just let our creative voice speak.

That voice needs to be able to flow freely. Meander here and there to find it’s own path, it’s own footing.

Writers often talk about writing stories because they want to see what happens next for their characters. I’ve long been in a place where I both fully understand what they are saying, but completely do not understand what that actually feels like.

I’m not sure I fully understand just yet, but I feel like I am much closer to “getting” it than I was even a few months ago. In part because I’ve been letting my creative voice just flow.

I’m doing my best to let ideas move freely and I’ve found something. A small something, maybe, but something none the less.

The next small twist in the meandering path now, may prove to be the major turning point when I look back years from now.

Or it may just be an interesting twist in the adventure.

The simple beauty of an early spring sunrise shattered my soul. More accurately it shattered the shell I had built around my soul that was preventing me from just enjoying the creative adventure I’m meant to be on.

First it was small cracks appearing in the shell that quickly started to deepen. As that shell crumbles away, the familiar temptation to retreat to the safety of before tries to rebuild it.

It’s an uneasy feeling stepping out of the comfort of keeping your voice hidden and safe from the judgmental gaze of strangers.

Let it happen.

The warmth of the golden sun sneaking through the treeline to crack and melt the shell of frost that blanketed everything overnight. Sneaking through the lens of my camera to melt that same shell on my creative soul.

Here’s to new adventures and taking the biggest risk of all, putting myself out there creatively.

The morning sunrise awaits.

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